Glorious Father,
I am anxious to see progress but you ask me to wait here with you, to be still and know you. Yesterday you said, "epi oliga ys pistos" - over a little you have been faithful. "Eiselthe eis tyn xaran tou kuriou sou" - enter into the joy of your master. Lord I have not asked to be put in charge. But you have given me visions. Visions and joy. You gave me a dream in which I was filled with your joy. I overflowed with tears. And I have been in tears from joy all day as I think on you. This is what you ask me to do when you ask me to be faithful in a little and to enter into your joy. Thank you for opening my heart. I asked to be a lover of God and a lover of my family and of others, even of my enemies. And you filled me. And I ask that you continue to open my heart. Make it wider. I want to know your love. I want to love with your love. I want to love everything that is good in your sight. You have begun this in me. Continue it. Grow me. Don't let me turn back. I want more love, more of you in my life.

Father, this love overflows. You haver given me increased love for Lisa and the boys. It makes me want to cry with joy. They are so precious to me. I lift my heart to you, Heavenly Father, where all your saints rejoice in you.

As for these visions, what will you have me do, Lord? I asked you for a dream in the night and the dream you gave me was of this love. A city was to be built but a destroyer was undoing the work. A cathedral was at the end of the road. You gave me hope in this dream because you were the author. I had invulnerability in you. But your adversary was all about. So the roads were destroyed and the people were confused.

You had me listening to a musician you had anointed. You staged me next to him as if to say the work you were giving me was on its way. It was to follow this anointing. And that was when you filled me with your ineffable joy. You gave me pure worship. You showed me your love. And I have been clinging to it. Thank you! Fill me ever more!

Father, here then you have made me steward of a vision. And shall I feel I have been remiss in my duty when the people are in such a state of confusion? When the adversary seeks to destroy your work? I asked for a gideon's army of prayer warriors and no one came to help. Not 30,000, not 300. Not even 3. I stand here alone with you. It is just me and the vision you gave me. Where is our army? I have the battle plan you gave me. But I am not going to move until you send me your warriors. Would I be sinning against you if I waited for your warriors? How can I build if you don't do the building? Even if you gave a few helpers, how many do you need? I would do this alone if you asked me to. But you have made it clear that you do not want me to do this alone.

Quite the contrary. You have put me in the place of questioning the validity of this vision for lack of members in the church who would confirm it. You sent one person over a year ago who contributed $2500 to the cause. Why just one person? Why did you encourage me to write a detailed plan? Was it not you doing the encouraging? As good as the result would be if the organization was formed according to plan, is it from you? Has the devil deceived me with an elaborate scheme? Lord, the plan is too good. Everything adds up except the lack of helpers. Where are they? Father, when I search them out they disappear. When I speak they don't understand.

Did you give me this vision just so you could torment me? Now that I have seen it with such clarity can it be taken away? How can I forget it? Father, you disabled me. You put me in charge of two children and a wife who has had three strokes. You made clear to me that my only role in this was to convey the message, to share the vision. I have no power to do anything else except that you would give it to me. But I don't ask for power, Lord God. I ask only to be placed in charge of a little. I ask that when I seek your face you would not run away from me. Let me stand in your presence. Let me drink from your grace. This is all I ask. You said that if I would seek after your kingdom and your righteousness that all these other things would be added to me. Your power is what is needed, Father. Not mine. You said, "epi pollwn se katastysw" - I will put you in charge of many things. But I ask that you not put me in charge of much. If you give me a great thing to do the enemy will defeat me. It is you who must be in charge.

Where then, stands LIFT? Direct me, Father. Remove my confusion. Give me certainty as to what you want me to do. For you know I will quickly be inventive. I will fail to wait for you if you do not author the work. Give me an eraser, Father God. What parts need to be taken away give me a willing spirit to remove them. What parts must be retained show me. Give me chains, Lord, around my feet. Stop me from running. Make me a slave to your will. Give me an earpiece, Father God. I am deaf. Give me glasses. I am blind. I see something. I hear something. But I ask that you be the author of the vision. Take me out of it. Remove my inventiveness. Remove the devil's schemes. Remove my weaknesses from it. And if you want me to communicate the vision grant me the gift of speaking in a way that those you wish to hear will hear. Up until now only one person has heard. And I don't believe she really understood the vision itself. Otherwise, she would be calling me and offering more help. And she would be getting others to help. I really think she just saw that I believed you had spoken to me, that you had entrusted me with a vision. And she wanted to enable me. She was sowing a seed into your kingdom, not really knowing what kind of plant it was. And so far, now after a year has passed, she has not seen any fruit.

Father, is this your doing or is it the devil's? Why did you strap me down? I asked you to chain my feet. Did you need to refine me? Did you need to refine the vision? Show me. Answer your child. I ask for wisdom. I know you won't deprive me of it. Bless you, heavenly Father. All honor and praise are due your holy name.