Dear Father, today was difficult because I didn't yearn for you like I have on some other days despite the fast. I knew I wasn't "feeling spiritual" from the moment I woke up. I took an afternoon nap today because I was so tired. And I even had a cup of coffee, first one in a few months. I don't know why I go through these burn outs. I know that I must have been very busy these past few days because I haven't found time to be alone to pray or journal. I've fidgeted with the computer and the web site with what time I've had. Progress has been slow. I'm anxious to get it to the point that I'm proud of it. At that point the plan is to start directing people to it so they can have an idea of what they might like for their own web sites and maybe buy some products, make some donations or engage in the forums. For each person I meet, the plan is to have someone to pray for. Either they'll be interested or they won't. I can't think of a better way to get to know people.

Father, I thank you that Jonathan went with me on my night run tonight even though he fell asleep in the car. You've been trying to get me to be quiet and listen to you. The fast was to be for hearing from you. Jonathan insisted that I turn the radio off so he could sleep in the back of the car. I would have loved it if we could have chatted some more. Somewhere in the picture I see me and You. First I'm chatty and then I fall asleep. But I suppose its good to be with you. I pray it is helpful even if all I did was repeat "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner" several hundred times silently in my heart. Lord, I wonder what St. Theophan meant by the "mind dwelling in the heart so as to abide with the mind of Christ." Please, show me this mystery. One thing I know is that the father loves his son even if his son is sleeping. Just to be together is a good thing. I'm grateful Jonathan begged to come on this long boring trip. You know how I long to spend more time with both of the boys. And you know how critical it is that I have and maintain a solid bond with Jonathan before "teen spirit" snatches him away from me. Father, give me healthy years and strength so that I can be a good father to these boys.

And now, Lord, Christmas is drawing near. Saturday is George's birthday. I feel unprepared. I don't feel like wrapping gifts or mailing out cards. I let Lisa take over the card writing as I fidgeted with the computer today. I wish I could give Iona a good gift. And I have no money to buy anything for Lisa. I know that somehow you will work it all out. You always do. But I'm feeling kind of numb right now. I love you, Lord. And I want to spend more time with you. And I want things to be right. Please, wake this old body of mine up and get me moving in prayer and good deeds. I need a second wind. Make Chris's Lisa be better from breast cancer. Be present to Tommy's Lisa with your comfort. Give her and her three girls faith and hope, Lord. Lord you know all of our prayer needs. Your glory is immeasurable. All I can say is "thank you" for your good will.