Dear Author of Life,

You gave me another dream. We had crossed the bridge from Palm Beach to West Palm Beach. There had been storms brewing that had led us there. There I was in West Palm Beach with my family, spending time, holding things together, Lisa, Jonathan and George. Many people just wanted to have fun. There were bikes to rent for those who wanted to spend a little money to explore the city. Some dirty walls caught my attention. I had a sponge in my hand and started cleaning them off. It made me feel good to do something to improve the city.

There were beautiful murals underneath the layers of dirt that could be seen when the dirt was washed off. Some passers by suggested that I just enjoy my time rather than working to clean. I pointed to the beauty of the murals underneath, justifying the use of my time. I kept cleaning until I found a bench, which I pulled layers of leaves and dirt from and there I found not a mural, but a black man who had been buried underneath the dirt. He had been there so long he was almost dead. Nobody had noticed him. I turned to one of the people who had suggested I had been wasting my time and said, "See! Now what do You think?"

I picked the black man up and started looking for help. I needed to call for an ambulance. But there was nobody to help me. I held him in my arms and assured him he would be ok. I wouldn't leave him until I found help. But my feet started feeling sluggish. I couldn't run. I saw some ambulances but they were parked. My brother, Joe, was there but he was no help either.

Nobody was willing to do anything about this dying man. And although I was committed to helping him I started to realize that I couldn't do it without help. And then and there, right in my arms, he disintegrated. He melted into the ground like dust. There was at least one person who saw. And that made me glad because I had a witness. I didn't want people to think I was crazy. I had been crying out. But now the man was gone.

Lord, how should I interpret this dream? I see three things.

First, I see a separation between me and my family. I notice in the dream that I start with them but then I get involved in something else. I then hear people saying not to do the thing that takes me from my family. I do know, Lord, that Lisa and the boys are my primary ministry. I offer them to You. Maybe the voice of the onlookers saying to just relax and enjoy the city rather than work is the voice of my conscience and Your Holy Spirit telling me to just be with them and have fun. I can accept this as a place in life. I can't get back to Palm Beach. And neither can I improve this world.

Second, I see the opposite. I see a desire to serve. I discover a ministry You have shown me. And then You show me how important that ministry is, urgent. But You also show me that no one is available to help. I sense the possibility that You have given me this ministry as a warning to others that they must pay attention. That I am in need of someone's help, others in the church. But they don't hear my calling. They even tell me I shouldn't be bothering with it, that I am wasting my time. Only one person even sees that the ministry is not just a fantasy.

Third, I see myself. I see the black man as my own soul. I have been neglecting my soul. I am in need of spiritual life, of sanctification. My spirit has been starved of the spiritual food that I used to long for. But I have been caught up in worldy cares, pleasing my family, moving away from storms and busying myself with cleaning. All the while my inner man has been dying. The city is my life. It is full of dirt. The sparkling city of God needs to be uncovered.

My Heavenly Father, cleanse me from all sin and renew that spirit in me which longs to be with You all day long. Set my love for what You love ablaze with fervor. Forgive me for neglecting You and for falling into daily patterns of worldly cares. Bring me back friends who will challenge me to excellence since my fellowship has been isolated away from the church for the sake of my family's daily needs. And plant in me a love for them in my heart that stirs me to effective prayer for them, that they may also gain strength through me. Use me, Lord God, if You will in any way You please, though I have sinned and fallen distant from You. Show me the things that distract me and teach me to stay focused on Your grace. I thank You for these tears. I thank You that You always take me back. Do not ignore my prayers for this world, Lord God. I have prayed for the renewal of mankind and for the souls of my enemies. Don't forget them. Shine now, Lord. Speak to this lost world. Come, Lord, quickly.